Thursday, February 16, 2012
Is That Noose Comfortable?
You know, I've been thinking. Ever since the 9/11 attacks, our government has pretty much done nothing but concentrate on this mission to keep ‘we the people’ safe and secure. Sure has been nice to see all the security measures implemented, even though some are so inconvenient, like those airport scanners. I don’t like those things; no one needs to see my post baby, middle aged body underneath my clothes! But, we gotta do what we gotta do, right?
Like they say, we live in a new normal now. I’m so glad the government knows the best way to prevent another attack. We can trust them to do what is best for the country and that means we can continue to live our lives protected from the terrorists. Hang on a minute, will you? I need to set the DVR for Dancing with the Stars before I forget!
OK, I’m back. Speaking of new laws, I was surfing the net and saw a brand new one Congress just passed that says we’ll have at least 30,000 of those drone things flying all around our country by 2015, looking for suspicious activity. Thirty thousand! You know what I’m talking about; those little unmanned airplanes we use in Afghanistan to blow our enemies straight to hell? Well, I wrote this down because I thought it was just fascinating! The law is H.R.658 and is called the FAA Air Transportation Modernization and Safety Improvement Act.
Those drones are so cool! Listen to this! It says they’re great military tools because they can be set up with facial recognition cameras, license plate scanners, thermal imaging cameras and they can even tap into the local Wi-Fi. Can you believe that? They probably want to make sure those terrorists aren’t making plans on their laptops. Sounds like something out of a spy movie, doesn’t it? You don’t think they’ll read our email, do you?
Make sure your curtains are shut or they may see what kind of underwear you have on! It’s true! The article said they can hover hundreds or even thousands of feet up in the air for hours at a time and will provide ‘unprecedented levels of physical surveillance.’ Now, if that doesn’t sound like great protection, I don’t know what does! Kind of like that saying, “Someone to watch over me.”
Funny thing, though, I can’t believe this wasn’t on the national news! You’d think it would be all over the TV, wouldn’t you? Come to think of it, that NDAA law they passed last November didn’t make the news either! Huh. I wonder why? You’re kidding! You don’t know what that is? Oh, come on, I told you about it.
It’s that one that gives our military the right to seize anyone they think is a threat to national security. It says American citizens on our own soil can be can be fingered and hauled away to some internment camp for however long they want to hold them. They don’t even have to provide legal representation for that prisoner! I suppose that’s due to all these American born nut cases who convert to Islam and want to do their personal jihad stuff on us.
I’m glad they thought of setting that up but I do remember hearing some people were scared Obama would start labeling regular people who didn’t like him as terror suspects and they would disappear into the night, never to be seen again. Can you believe that? How ridiculous! Anyway, he made a statement that would never happen, so I’m not worried about it.
Speaking of Obama, he just set up something called the Strategic Implementation Plan, or SIP for short. Now, I didn’t see anything about it on the mainstream news either, but they say it’s supposed to put a muzzle on all those Tea Party loons for speaking out against these new laws. You know how they run around like Chicken Little, yelling that our government is quietly dismantling the Constitution and Bill of Rights. Puleeze!
All I know is they’d better start watching their mouths because talking like that can legally get them identified as an extremist or terrorist threat and the military police can put them into those camps I mentioned, and it’ll be their own dang fault! Nobody needs to be saying such things anyway! The President and Congress aren’t trying to take away anybody’s rights! They’re just trying to protect us, that’s all, you know?
Oh yeah, did you happen to see that little story on the back page of the paper that said the FBI has now come up with a list of ‘terrorist threat identifiers’? Well, hang on and I’ll tell you what that means. It’s suspicious behavior that will make the government take a second look at you; like having more than 7 days of food in your house and what not. Hmmm. I wonder how they'd know?
Anyway, I bet all those doomsday crazies are mad as a hornet they can now get in big trouble for using or even having those shelters they built! Heavens, what are they going to do with all that water and food they’ve been hoarding, not to mention all that gas and those generators? I know a couple who has one, and I told them flat out they were just wasting their money, building that fool shelter, but they are convinced this country is going to hell in a hand basket and they are not going to be caught unprepared. Whatever.
I mean, come on. That is just crazy talk! Wouldn’t you agree this is probably the safest ‘we the people’ have ever been? Our government isn’t gonna let anything happen to us because they are watching us like a hawk! No sir, no one is going to get away with anything! I don’t know about you but it makes me feel so much better, hearing all the laws and rules that are being passed to ensure the private, tax-paying citizens of this great country stay safe and secure! Makes me proud to be an American!
Oh, hey, when do you think the new People magazine will come out? You just know Whitney Houston will be on the cover…