Shades of Gray

 I’ve noticed the closer I get to God, the darker this world looks to me.  The whole landscape seems to have a gray cast to it; shadows are deeper and even in bright sunshine, the colors of trees and flowers are less vivid.  There’s nothing wrong with my eyesight, other than the infernal need for reading glasses.  

No, this grayness is something else.  It bleeds over, dimming the pleasure I get from everyday activities, even diminishing my desires and dreams.  I’m no longer able to imagine the future beyond Christmas and think, “Oh I can’t wait to go here or do this or that next year.”   

It’s a restlessness, a feeling of being incomplete and lost even in familiar surroundings.  I’ve noticed the more time I spend talking to the Lord and reading His Word, the less important it all becomes and the more I crave His presence and touch. I’m compelled and drawn to privately shut myself away and commune with someone I can’t see or audibly hear or touch.  Oh, but He’s there…and when I am touched by His irresistible Spirit, I am all at once filled yet left wanting more. 

I’ve struggled with clinical depression for many, many years, and this is not depression. Believe me, I know the difference!  No, this is a yearning so intense it’s almost painful, like being separated from a lover.  It’s a longing for home.  We Christians truly are aliens on this earth.  We don’t belong here and the closer we draw to God, the less interest we have in earthly things. 

I can honestly say there is no amount of money or fame, no beauty or travel or even human relationship that could distract me from my greatest desire; to be with the one who created me and knows me best. To shed this decaying body and finally stand in the presence of the Almighty, Holy God who loves me beyond my wildest dreams. To meet face to face and see the smile of the Savior who died a horrible death to rescue me.  What could this sin ravaged earth offer me that could possibly compare with that? 

Everyone I talk to online or meet, even people I see being interviewed on TV, are expressing a feeling that life as we’ve always known it is rapidly coming to an end. We all intuitively sense this because we were created as spirits who possess a soul and live in a fleshly body. We can perceive that the unseen satanic activity around us is growing in strength, chaotically swirling toward disaster.   

Those who are lost go about their daily lives with a nagging sense of unease. Some feel the need to hoard food and water in case of some shortage and people who are usually repelled by guns are buying firearms in record numbers, with plenty of ammo ‘just in case.’  In case of what?  Where is this sense of uncertainly coming from?  People are filled with a fear they cannot identify or even coherently verbalize.  What in the world is going on? 

This is the first time in our nation’s history that we have seen such an exponential increase in deadly, destructive natural disasters.  We’re witnessing an unprecedented level of unrest breaking out all over the world; every night brings another news story showing great mobs of people demonstrating against their governments, wanting a change in leadership or angry about cutbacks in benefits they’re used to receiving.   

The economies of wealthy countries, including America, are on the precipice of collapsing, which will bring…, what?  No one really knows because this is all so unexpected and unpredictable.  Even the leaders of these countries are at a loss, having no idea how to prevent the massive house of cards from falling.  

Evil has exploded its boundaries in recent years, especially among children under 18 years of age!  We now have preteens murdering younger kids, just to see what it feels like to kill.  Teenagers are slaughtering their whole families because Mom or Dad wouldn’t allow something they wanted and even ten and eleven year olds are gang raping younger students in school! 

Young people are confronting innocent citizens, physically attacking and robbing them while one of their own video tapes the incident on their cell phones. Then they’re crass and stupid enough to post the incident on You Tube for the whole world to watch! 

Even man’s best friend has begun to turn on his master or other family members, tearing them apart and sometimes killing with seemingly no provocation whatsoever.  

Mainstream churches are preaching heretical blather which is leading countless souls to hell; their pastors stubbornly unconcerned about their flocks unless, of course, the offerings aren’t large enough to pay for the mortgages on their temple palace as well as their personal one. 

And to cap it all off, one of the most disgusting, disturbing things to spring up amongst the garbage that is broadcast on television, we have the Kardashians.  They just won’t go away!  I really couldn’t care less what or who Kim is doing this week! 

No wonder the longing for heaven is growing stronger every day! This life consists of never ending drudgery.  Laundry procreates overnight in my closet, becoming more massive in volume every morning. Clean the house. Wash the car. Walk the dogs. Pick up the kid. Go to the grocery store. Blah, blah, blah.  It’s all just different shades of gray.  

Even the fear of death is gone now. I still fear the manner of death I might one day face, but death itself would be a most welcome relief.  

Of course, I love the company of my son and husband along with my extended family.  I’m able to enjoy my pets quite a bit; they are about the only things that make me laugh out loud now.  I am blessed to know all those I love and cherish are ready to meet God. They are saved and prepared to leave this world when Christ yells out, “Come up hither!” That is all the treasure I need. 

So, can you blame me for seeing this world as a decaying, moral sewer?  I’m not depressed or even pessimistic. I am a realist who is not afraid to face facts. Time is running out and there are billions of people who will be left behind to face the horrors that will occur when we are snatched out of here.  No Godly influence will be left to speak against or fight the evil rapidly wrapping itself around this world. 

What is so great about this existence, filled with nothing but the dullness of grime and filth that you’re stubbornly holding onto?  What could possibly be so captivating that causes you to ignore the coming collapse of society and the emergence of the New World Order?  

A raise?  The new sports car or that bigger, badder house?  A secret lover your spouse knows nothing about?  Your stupid golf game??  This is eternity I’m talking about! We who are looking for our Savior will be gone when everyone least expects it and faster than you can blink your eyes.  And when we are gone, all hell will break loose! 

To whom will you sell your soul when you’re forced to choose?  Make no mistake, you WILL have to choose!  Once you wake up and realize your nightmare existence is permanent, will you surrender your heart to the one who died for you and wants to welcome you into endless joy in heaven?  Are you willing to pay the price of martyrdom that will be the likely result of that delayed decision?  Or will this world, with its various shades of gray be more enticing?  

Your moment of making a comfortable, leisurely choice is quickly coming to a close. Look around.  There’s nothing here for you… 

Today is the day of salvation!  You DON’T want to be left behind.