satan

I would have addressed you with the proper salutation of “dear,” however, you are anything but so I refrained.  I also refuse to show you the small respect of capitalizing your slimy name.  

There are a few things I want to get off my chest where you are concerned.  I’ve been meaning to do this for quite some time but you know how it goes, something always comes up to distract us from our plans.  Not that you care in the least, but I want you to know I think you are the most repugnant, purulent, vile, small minded little jerk in this entire universe. 

Yes, you go ahead and laugh.  If you had any common sense left, you would be ashamed rather than proud of that title.  Speaking of ‘sense’ I really must ask, what in all of creation were you thinking??  Seriously.  Did you actually delude yourself into believing you could usurp Almighty God and take His throne?  You mean to tell me you literally trusted that your small number of fallen angel stooges would have the ability to conquer Michael and his armies?  You buffoon! 

Now, I’ve really tried satan, but I just cannot comprehend ‘why.’  Why was being the most beautiful creature that ever existed, not quite good enough for you?  From all I’ve heard, you were truly a wonder to behold; full of beauty and light and music.  No doubt you sensed the other angels were utterly enchanted in your presence. Was that it?  

Did you begin to crave worship from those around you?  Ah, I’m beginning to see.  Every angel in heaven continually worshiped God and that took their attention away from you and your glory, but all you ever received was their admiration.  None of them rendered the worship you felt you deserved, did they?  Poor baby. 

You must have existed, trembling with a jealous rage that constantly simmered just under the surface of your being. Then to heap even more indignity on your head, you were still expected to bow in reverence to God, who was the bitter hindrance to your supremacy.  Apparently you devised a plan to depose God but you needed help.   

So, how did you do this?  Start rumors in the lunchroom or gossip around the water cooler about how unfair God was; that He was so stingy He wouldn’t share even a little piece of His mighty throne with you?  

I suppose you must have bribed and bullied and promised promotions to your followers in order to raise your little ragtag army so you could implement your plan.  Were you actually so stupid as to forget God knows everything?  You do realize He was on to you from the beginning, don’t you?   

You and your minions didn’t stand a chance and you were soundly defeated.  MAN that must have been humiliating!  I can just picture you standing before the All Powerful One, along with all the host of heaven, after having been caught with your pants down, so to speak.   

You’ll have to excuse me here, but I just have to snicker. Even with as lowly a creature as I am, made of dust, I have sense enough not to challenge God’s position…and I’ve never even seen Him!  Hahahaha…You stood in His presence every day, you moronic idiot! Talk about having NO excuse! 

So, tell me.  What happened then?  I picture the heavens quaking with the deafening sounds of lightning and thunder; a savage wind screaming around you as you faced an angry God. After all, no hint of rebellion had ever occurred in all of eternity past!  What would God do?  

You have to admit you’d earned the wrath and well deserved punishment of the Almighty and knew you and yours were up you-know-what-creek, without a paddle.  Tell me, satan, did you beg for mercy?  Were you on your knees, pleading for forgiveness, praying to be accepted back into His good graces while promising you would never, ever do it again?   

Please.  My guess is He looked straight into your heart and saw no honest repentance in any of you, so you were condemned to forever burn in the Lake of Fire he would prepare for you and your followers.  The Bible says in Revelation 14:11 “And the smoke of their torment ascendeth forever…”  Oh boy. You really blew it big time, didn’t you?  Brilliant planning on your part, I must say.  

THIS must have been the exact moment you became completely unhinged mentally. If it was the last thing you did, you would find a way to exact revenge; after all, if you were going down, you’d go down fighting, causing as much damage to God as you could! 

Somewhere, during this time, man and the earth were created.  It must have been a huge burr under your saddle to see the delight in God’s eyes as he fellowshipped with Adam and Eve in their perfect garden.  Made you sick with rage, didn’t it?  Hmmm.  Plan B began to form in that crippled brain of yours.   

You realized these creatures actually had free will, so you took the form of a harmless garden snake and seduced and lied to Eve, telling her that God was holding out on her and Adam.  If they would only take one little bite of the forbidden fruit, they surely wouldn’t die but would instantly be like God.  

Come now, you have to admit that was incredibly lame and tacky of you. You tempted a creature made from a rib.  Needless to say, because of her innocence, she probably wasn’t too bright.  She certainly wasn’t street smart!  I mean, hello?  ‘Eve, you’re talking to a snake!  Doesn’t that strike you as strange??’  You convinced her with your pretty lies and she ate and gave some to Adam, and he also ate.  Adam was forced to hand over possession of earth’s keys to you and you were off to the races! 

I bet you could hardly wait to confront God and rub His nose in the fall of His precious mankind; you had figured out where God’s soft spot was. You knew He was completely in love with human beings, His beautiful earth and all its creatures.  He had, after all, pronounced it “good.”  You were incensed that He was passionate about weak, stinking, ignorant beastlike people, yet He rejected you?  How dare He! 

So you probably waited until all heaven’s host was assembled before you broke in and accused God of being unfair.  Unjust.  You attacked His very character in front of everyone by saying He was unfairly favoring mankind.  After all, you reasoned, they too had sinned and therefore deserved the same eternal death sentence you would suffer. HA!  So there!  Trump THAT God!  I bet you stuck out your tongue too, didn’t you? 

I really wonder about your ability to reason coherently sometimes.  Unbeknownst to you, the answer to our sin and the subsequent need for justice was decided upon before God set the earth on its foundations while you and all the angels sang for joy.  Hate to tell you, you depraved, inferior jackass, you were outsmarted before you even fell!  THAT is why GOD is God and you’re not! 

The Bible was given to us, and because even you could read Elizabethan English, you skipped ahead to Revelation to see how it would end.  Daniel, Isaiah and Psalms held more clues to help you figure out approximately how much time you had before you were cast into the Lake of Fire forever.  Until then, you planned to wreak as much havoc on the earth as possible, and torment us as long as you could.  

BUT…the plan of redemption slipped right past you, didn’t it slick?  DUH!  The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us while you probably stood around, scratching your head, wondering ‘what the heck is He doing here?’  You were too stupid to figure out Jesus came to suffer the death penalty we deserved in order to pay for all our sin.   

God himself died in our place so we wouldn’t have to, therefore rendering perfect justice.  Not one soul in all of creation could accuse Him of not being fair from that moment on.  Talk about a moment of shock and awe! Come on now. Admit it. You soiled yourself, didn’t you?  You were outsmarted, proving again why God is supreme and you’re not.  

I’ve gotta hand one thing to you though. You’ve got some kind of exceptionally twisted imagination!  You’ve taught mankind every degrading, repulsive, depraved, deceitful, cruel, torturous, psycho, sickco behavior and attitude. What’s the deal?  Do you have committee meetings every Tuesday morning where you and your demons sit around some conference table, thinking up new horrors to unleash on us?   

Boy, do you have it out for human beings!  You loser! The only avenue you have left to sting God is to hurt His children, and you are sure working overtime in these final hours. You still whisper the same tired old lies, probably because we ignorant dust creatures still fall for them.   

Lies such as, ‘God isn’t fair.’  ‘God is holding out on you.’ ‘God doesn’t care about you or your feelings or needs.’  ‘God is mean and is punishing you.’ The only way we can refute you and stand strong is by knowing the Word.  Oh, I bet you just hate it when we throw scripture back in your ugly face, don’t you?   

And now, this very week, I find you’ve struck another one of my loved ones with your favorite weapon of destruction, cancer.  Yessiree, you can temporarily get your jollies knowing our family is upset and scared.  But you know what?  We belong to Christ.  We’ve been ransomed by the pure, priceless blood that dripped down that cross due to the ingenious, courageous, brilliantly engineered propitiation that occurred right under your nose.  LOSER! 

Oh, you may strike these decaying, dust bodies we live in with disease or accidents or deformity and you may even cause our death. How lame.  To afflict these earthly bodies we temporarily inhabit is like shooting fish in a barrel, isn’t it?  What challenge is there in that??  But that’s you. Tacky and already defeated. 

Yes, we’re all aware we are gonna die one day, unless Jesus snatches us home first, but then what, hotshot? Your reign of terror in our lives will be over!  You’ll have no more say or influence over us for the rest of eternity.  But WE will see YOU, along with your sorry excuses for angels, writhing in agony throughout the ages to come.  I wouldn’t consider dipping my little toe in water to cool anything on you, so don’t ask!  Fry, you disgusting lump of dog squeeze. 

In fact, I think I’ll bring a picnic lunch and lead my redeemed brothers and sisters in a special cheer, just for you.  ‘Gimme a OUCH!  Gimme a Ooooo,  Gimme a weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! Whatta you got?  satan and his stooges in endless torment!  Yay!! 

 I plan to relax and watch you suffer for a couple thousand years, remembering the sorrow and pain you caused me.  Cancer, schmancer!  You don’t scare me, you fool!  Go ahead and kill these bodies; you’ll only be doing us a favor!  

We will be home, perfect and healthy forevermore.  Listen up because I want you to remember this: One day, you will most certainly stare right into my eyes.  I will see you suffer and I will rejoice.  Then I’ll jump up, run to Jesus and worship Him! 

That’s right you insipid little jerk, worship… The one thing you crave will all your being, is the very thing you’ll never, ever have!  You’re not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, are you?   

You had it so good…